sixpence none the richer

I haven't been kissed in soooooo long.

Just a thought. :)

dazed & confused

that says Julie sux...
Originally uploaded by li-wei.

Midterms, midterms, midterms. Oh, how thou torment me so!

So yeah. I'm royally fucked up the proverbial patooty. <-- How do you actually spell that? Any takers?

The countdown to exam D-Day (aka Wednesday) has officially begun...and I'm not even sure where to start. Oh, I know - by dressing up as Tonya Harding (knee-capping bat in tow) and going to a '90s party. :) Too bad Jim Fenner bested me with his slap-bracelet ensemble. Ass monkey.

And then I did it again. I waited by the phone like the heart-on-my-sleeve MORON that I am. It's one thing to say it's over; it's another to actually follow through. I definitely had my Chris Farley moment of "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" brow-beating around 3am last night.

Good thing Jess showed up to croon Sophie B. Hawkins and Sixpence None The Richer with me in bed, huh? Hey, it was 90's night - stop hatin. Sigh. She humped me and "whispered" sweet nothings/blood-curdling singing in my ear until all heavy thoughts of the unmentionable were forgotten.

And then I dreamed...and Damien Rice is officially the new soundtrack to my dreams and thoughts. Fucking Antoinette. If she plays "The Blower's Daughter" one more time...I wont' do anything because she hits harder than me. I have a bruise on my thigh from the "joking" charlie-horse she gave me yesterday! I'm so weak...

still cringing the ambiguity of that statement,

Li-Wei

p.s. Can't we just play in the snow/slush? What if midterms were really just writing mean things about Julie Kim in the snow?

underwhelmed underachiever under a bed?

I wish I could hide in bed forever.

The world is entirely more tolerable from beneath my blankets, but alas, I can't stay hidden in this cotton comfort. I have to be a "real" person, which means hanging out with my "real" friends. Ha...ha...ha.

Once again, I feel like that third grader who didn't get invited to the cool kid party because I always had my fly undone. Damn skorts from the Limited. See the costs of high fashion! Anyway, I know I shouldn't let something as small as a birthday party get under my skin, but it does. No matter how old you get, rejection will always have that biting sting - doubly so when it's not a lover, but a friend.

Everything's just going so fast. I get dizzy at the thought of next year or more specifically its vagueness. My DGA test was...interesting. I've never felt so young in my life. Everyone else at the exam was at least a good five years older than Steve and I and in the business already by the same jump start. Connections my ass. This was the real deal, and I'm afraid I blew it. Oh, well. All aboard the train to bankruptcy! Haha.

And people just keep leaving. I miss REL so much, and I'll see her in a few weeks! I can't even fathom what it will be like to say goodbye to everyone here for good. Gumby's gone after next quarter. BFF will inevitably make a new BFF next year, and I'm terrified of leaving Ant and Jess in June. There's also this constant fear that he won't even remember me. And you know who I'm talking about...the one I said I wouldn't mention anymore.

Shit. There I go again. Thinking about what's supposed to be over. Ant says I shouldn't beat myself up over it: "You can't expect four years of feelings to just disappear over night." What?!? That wasn't part of the deal! So, yeah. It's a lot harder than it seems. And every damn Frou Frou song makes me think of him, yet I curiously find myself taking long drives in the snow with the album on repeat.

And I'm becoming quite desperate for "alone" time. No, not to do that. Get yo' mind out the gutter! It's just become increasingly difficult to have a moment to my own thoughts and...well, let's be honest, to cry. I keep fucking crying, and I don't know why. I blame it on the snow. ALL on this damn snow...which is much easier than admitting that I'm sad about the current state of friendships, family, and life in general.

I miss A-Bei. I miss that real perspective. And I hate that he's gone, and all I have left is fucking Nick-At-Nite and the first el of the morning. Well this turned into a slit-yo-wrist kind of entry, huh? I wish I could sing better than "just better than Ant"...

Wouldn't I be a great emo artist? I mean, I've got the whining thing down. Anywho, it's time for some shut-eye. Tomorrow/today promises to be better than the last...or at least better than Saturday. :)

don't worry, be happy,

Li-Wei

end of an era ;)

Let out that stifled laugh.
Shed a tear.
Put on those blue suede shoes...

It's time to move on. As my time at Northwestern winds to a close, I can't help but wonder about what all could and could not have been. I wonder about that Direct Marketing class I never went to...about what would have happened if I hadn't blown off Private Dancer after GGN freshman year...about what life here would have been like without the Nguyens to guide me through the crazy, hazy days. :)

And the most important what if - THE if of him. Four years of dreaming and side-glances of affection comes to a close this week. It's been fun, it's been hard, but most of all, it's been one of the most important things to me here at Northwestern. Isn't it funny that someone who will probably forget me in four years will forever be engrained in my mind and in my heart? I mean, how can I think of college and NOT think of "_ cubed"? Haha. I made a funny.

I know what you're thinking. This is pathetic. I should just tell him or let it go. Believe me, I've thought about it. There have been so many times I've thought about going Say Anything-style out with the confessions of love and admiration...to tell him how moved I am by his work, by his thoughts, by his adorable ass (haha - ANOTHER funny!). But, practicality always got in the way of romantic fervor.

One simple fact remains: this is a one-sided affair. I love a boy, he don't love me, and there's no hope that he ever will. Hell, he has a hard enough time treating me like a friend, let alone anything else. And I know now I deserve more. So, the time has come to let it all go. It's time to pine for someone "better"...or at least someone who isn't in love with someone else.

Regardless of what never happened, I have appreciated every moment of my unrequited crush. He showed me what I want out of love and life, and for that, I am thankful. So don't worry, folks/Janine. I'm not a sellout on the 5-year-plan club. I'm just taking the next 5 to figure out me and hopefully find someone that wants in on the process. Or maybe just someone who's not scared of my Pops.

happy, healthy, and ready for bed,

Li-Wei

life TBD

*jacked*
Originally uploaded by li-wei.

Hello, world...it's been a while.

So despite the thievery of my brand new computer, Mookie I, the craziness of Christmas in Savannah, and the mandatoriness of new classes, I have finally started posting again.

But I'm afraid it's only to complain and confess my fears. I am terrified of this Saturday. I'm taking the DGA exam for the LA program. It's a 5 hour test that'll determine the next 2 years of my life.

Aaaaahhh! It's horrifying b/c as much as I study, there are still the "personality" and "creativity" portions of the exam that determines if you are suited to be an AD beyond the intellectual requirements. I mean, I'm buying a set of tangrams tomorrow to practice "spatial reasoning," but honestly - is my passive aggressive-ness going to fuck with my career aspirations?

Even the sample questions are kind of ridiculous! And they don't even like to take people right out of college. I'm going to be a recent grad that's passive aggressive and has a hard time waking up to an alarm clock. This has REJECTION written all over it.

anxious and signing off from Mookie II,

Li-Wei
unemployed?!