no words
It seems that all is lost.
How do you convince someone who has seemingly lost everything to look for the good in life again? All I want is to be home, to be with my family...with Alex. He needs us now more than ever, and there's no looking back. How did we go from Stanford to expulsion? More importantly, how did we miss the signs?
The blame game has started once again. Round after round of "my fault" has finally ended in tears and all-too-familiar "resolutions." Two years of peace and lessons of "use your words" were forgotten in an instant. Why did I go to school so far away?
It's the question on both Pop's and my mind. Was all this worth it? An expensive eduction in disillusion and creative insecurity? God bless my friends, but perhaps I should have stayed in the South with the fam. Maybe then I could have been there to tell him no, to stop him.
You know how in "It's a Wonderful Life," Jimmy Stewart is taken on a tour of what his world would have been like if he were never born? Well, I had a similar moment this evening. I went on a virtual tour - ok, stalking - of what life would have been like had I not come here. Family problems aside, I would have probably gone to Davidson...
And yeah. That would have been that. Film would have been swapped for economics, and loneliness would have been replaced with the one person who used to make everything better...and who now doesn't even remember to put me in his new cell phone. I found a recent photograph of him, and I can't believe how beautiful he is! He's so different now too. Well, who needs a life in love? I traded LOL for a vow of poverty, remember?
The saddest part is that I miss him...and "us" for that matter. And everything has changed. He's moved on and is kicking ass as captain of his team this year. He's travelled the world, and I'm stuck in the tundra...missing someone who doesn't even exist.
No regrets.
It's moments like these that shape who we are, right? Well, damnit, I'm tired of being shaped. I'm twenty-one, and I feel like I'm eighty. How much is one person supposed to take? As I look back on the past five years, I can't help but realize that this shit is just not getting any better or easier. Cancer, suicide, diabetes, near blindness, 3 deaths, rejection, multiple financial crises, and now expulsion -- what the FUCK?!? And as the icing on the cake, I have the flu.
Well, fuck it. I have to be on set in the morning. And guys, I really don't want to talk about this entry. So don't ask. This was just my general pissy rant to the world, and I'd prefer if we didn't have to address it. I'm fine. I promise.
How do you convince someone who has seemingly lost everything to look for the good in life again? All I want is to be home, to be with my family...with Alex. He needs us now more than ever, and there's no looking back. How did we go from Stanford to expulsion? More importantly, how did we miss the signs?
The blame game has started once again. Round after round of "my fault" has finally ended in tears and all-too-familiar "resolutions." Two years of peace and lessons of "use your words" were forgotten in an instant. Why did I go to school so far away?
It's the question on both Pop's and my mind. Was all this worth it? An expensive eduction in disillusion and creative insecurity? God bless my friends, but perhaps I should have stayed in the South with the fam. Maybe then I could have been there to tell him no, to stop him.
You know how in "It's a Wonderful Life," Jimmy Stewart is taken on a tour of what his world would have been like if he were never born? Well, I had a similar moment this evening. I went on a virtual tour - ok, stalking - of what life would have been like had I not come here. Family problems aside, I would have probably gone to Davidson...
And yeah. That would have been that. Film would have been swapped for economics, and loneliness would have been replaced with the one person who used to make everything better...and who now doesn't even remember to put me in his new cell phone. I found a recent photograph of him, and I can't believe how beautiful he is! He's so different now too. Well, who needs a life in love? I traded LOL for a vow of poverty, remember?
The saddest part is that I miss him...and "us" for that matter. And everything has changed. He's moved on and is kicking ass as captain of his team this year. He's travelled the world, and I'm stuck in the tundra...missing someone who doesn't even exist.
No regrets.
It's moments like these that shape who we are, right? Well, damnit, I'm tired of being shaped. I'm twenty-one, and I feel like I'm eighty. How much is one person supposed to take? As I look back on the past five years, I can't help but realize that this shit is just not getting any better or easier. Cancer, suicide, diabetes, near blindness, 3 deaths, rejection, multiple financial crises, and now expulsion -- what the FUCK?!? And as the icing on the cake, I have the flu.
Well, fuck it. I have to be on set in the morning. And guys, I really don't want to talk about this entry. So don't ask. This was just my general pissy rant to the world, and I'd prefer if we didn't have to address it. I'm fine. I promise.
posted by Li-Wei @ 3:00 AM
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