can't sleep, must study?!

It's 4am and my nervous knots are keeping me from my precious bedtime. Instead of dreaming of beautiful men and lulling rainshowers, I'm dreading the next few days. Next Monday and Tuesday mark D-Day for my GPA -- midterms. Save me now.

If only the DGA app didn't ask for my pesky GPA...sigh. How can you want something so badly but know that you can't have it!?! Ahh...seems to be the revelation of the week both in my career choices and my lacklustre love life. I know I can't be with the one that I want, but does it mean that I'm supposed to feel that much more alone? It's been a rather intolerable day in this department.

I've been so productive and on top of the school thing that I never expected to be physically decimated by the sight of the Wookie and Co. They weren't being obnoxious to me or anything. I spotted them as I was leaving Tree-Hugger discussion in University. They were innocently holding hands and were just...so DAMN HAPPY this afternoon that (with my already aggravated ulcer, mind you) I promptly hurled into a large bush outside of Kresge. Yummy. It was a full on, no holds barred, lunch-tossing. It wasn't pretty.

To make things worse, I called Russ to make it all better...and he didn't. Instead, he proceeded to yell at me for letting the Wookie "still affect me." To him, your mind/will is ultimately stronger than hormones/the heart. So, hypothetically, if I were really "ok" with everything, this would never have happened. So, I was wiping off my own vomit off my Thuggs (my fake Uggs - woot!) and being told to STFU by the one person I thought I could count on for romantic moral support. Well, poo.

Maybe he's right. Mind over matter/s of the heart. That's it. Or not at all actually. Is it wrong to miss snuggling!? Why is it so hard to find someone up to the challenge of deciphering crazy ol' me? Aaah...I'm being SUCH a whiny baby. Bygones.

Anyway, inspired by Miss Cameron Shaw, I thought it prudent to include the theme song of the day. Tonight's insomnia and ulcer inspired melody is...

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Song: Colorblind
Artist: Counting Crows

I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready

I am taffy stuck and tongue tied
Studder, shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am fine

I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded and unfolded and unfolding
I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am fine
I am fine

I am fine.

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I am fine...or I will be. Sorry to rant and rave on such a public forum. Well, whatevs. I'm starting to suspect that onlly Ant and Julie read this anyways. Ha...

unfolded and unfolding,

El Loco Wei