uh oh
"I thought I shook myself free
You see I bounce back quicker than most
But I'm half delirious, it's too mysterious
You walk through my walls like a ghost
And I take everyday at a time
I'm as proud as a lion in his lair
Now there's no denying it, and no decrying it
You're all tangled up in my head
Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Harder than November rain
Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Hard enough to feel the pain
...
And I can't give you up
Can't leave you alone
And it's so hard, so hard
And hard enough to feel the pain..."
~ Dave Stewart & Mick Jagger
--------------------------------------------------------
Uncomfortably familiar feelings have become all-consuming once again...but it's my little secret. Shh. For all those concerned with this development, fear not. I've got it all under control...though perhaps not too well under wraps.
Apparently, I'm a wee obvious with my emotions aka mouthing off in Nevin's (apologies again to a certain red-headed Jew). Yet, I'll continue to do my best to refrain, contain, and "maintain" like the "soldier" (Nini's favorite word for tough chics) that I truly am. I mean, I've dealt with all of this for most of my college career, so what's a few more months.
Insert sigh here. Oh, well. What's a girl to do? You can't help who you hate and certainly not who you love. However, you CAN control who you make out with. Jackie and I certainly learned that this weekend, didn't we, Jax? I have recently learned that a mistake I made freshman year on Gone Greek Night was not as greivous as I originally thought.
J$ and Nini Facebook-ed a certain dangerous liason known as my "Private Dancer," and - BLESSED BE - it wasn't who I originally thought it was. Instead of the completely disgusting sketchball I've assumed he was since freshman year, it was a completely DIFFERENT sketchball (jk - one of Janine's friends) that I, shall we say?, boogie-woogie-oogie'd with. Oops. I mean, how many Steve's ARE there on this campus? Thank goodness for Facebook, huh?
On this evening's sojourn to Steak'n'Shake, I was faced with the brutal reality that I might not be here in 4 months time. As much as I bitch about school and classes and the day-to-day grind of NU, I'm still going to fucking miss it. I hate being this damn sentimental, but I tearfully glossed over my photos from freshman and sophomore year. Good, bad, or just plain crazy, I wouldn't take anything back.
Especially Antoinette. Sadly, it took another pair of best friends (Jules and Janine) for me to realize how blessed I truly am. As I sipped my cookies'n'creme milkshake in the back seat (soo not lactose-intolerant friendly, btw), I watched Nini teasing Jules - the kind of gentle, good-natured mocking mastered through years of cry-fests, crushes, classes and driving "loops." And watching this connection made me miss Ant. I know, I know - she's lives ten feet away from me...a hop, skip, and a bedroom away. Yet, they made me realize that this time next year, she won't be.
I know it's the point of college. Everything here seems to have an expiration date. However, I can't just let go of the one person who's been here for all the tears, the pounds, the popcorn...with open arms, the Elephant Medley, and a swift kick in the ass when necessary. You know, when I was in high school, I thought I would meet THE guy in college - the one would understand me better than anyone else and change my life. Instead, I got BelligerANT, and I'm so grateful...for everything. Anyway, enough with the sappy stuff. I'm fucking crying again like a baby. Aah! I HATE this! I take it all back. I'm done with Ant. Get ready Texas, she's back....
Boo has not called me in exactly 1 month and 18 days. If it hits 2 months, his ass is grass. I don't know what that means, but Mama Chu sure says it a lot. If you're reading this, all is forgiven...and I hope you can say the same. If I've learned anything this year, it's that time is too short, too precious, to throw it away on anger and what-ifs.
Case and point - the impending weekend. Cousin Jeff is marrying an interior decorating extraordinaire...and A-Bei isn't there to see it. Jeff proposed with carpe-diem vigor after A-Bei was first diagnosed, but honestly, I'm not sure how anyone is going to make it through the ceremony without thinking about that one, belligerently penetrating voice that's missing - "Jeffff-a-rrreeee!" Moral of this depressing story: there's only now.
Hence, my reluctant, but full-hearted dive into unrequited...something. As much as it hurts and it sucks, I thrive with no expectations of anything in return because at least I fucking feel something. And at the end of the day, the feeling is more important to me than its return. It keeps the ol' ticker distracted, you know?
So, kleenex and snot aside, here's to friendship, family, love, and above all else, hope. And please, no comments hating on my cheesiness. I know this already. If you don't want to read this sappy shit, why are you on my blog? Get off. Now. Especially since I've come to the realization that soooo many people who are NOT supposed to be reading this (those OUTSIDE of the Homeslice/the Savannah crew or Gardenz fam) are. Shocking. People reading my publicly published journal of private thoughts.
ok, enough crackhead-ed ness. It's time to rest these swollen eyes...
"sleeping to dream...but I don't mind,"
E. Li-Wei Chu
Douchebag Extraordinaire
You see I bounce back quicker than most
But I'm half delirious, it's too mysterious
You walk through my walls like a ghost
And I take everyday at a time
I'm as proud as a lion in his lair
Now there's no denying it, and no decrying it
You're all tangled up in my head
Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Harder than November rain
Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Hard enough to feel the pain
...
And I can't give you up
Can't leave you alone
And it's so hard, so hard
And hard enough to feel the pain..."
~ Dave Stewart & Mick Jagger
--------------------------------------------------------
Uncomfortably familiar feelings have become all-consuming once again...but it's my little secret. Shh. For all those concerned with this development, fear not. I've got it all under control...though perhaps not too well under wraps.
Apparently, I'm a wee obvious with my emotions aka mouthing off in Nevin's (apologies again to a certain red-headed Jew). Yet, I'll continue to do my best to refrain, contain, and "maintain" like the "soldier" (Nini's favorite word for tough chics) that I truly am. I mean, I've dealt with all of this for most of my college career, so what's a few more months.
Insert sigh here. Oh, well. What's a girl to do? You can't help who you hate and certainly not who you love. However, you CAN control who you make out with. Jackie and I certainly learned that this weekend, didn't we, Jax? I have recently learned that a mistake I made freshman year on Gone Greek Night was not as greivous as I originally thought.
J$ and Nini Facebook-ed a certain dangerous liason known as my "Private Dancer," and - BLESSED BE - it wasn't who I originally thought it was. Instead of the completely disgusting sketchball I've assumed he was since freshman year, it was a completely DIFFERENT sketchball (jk - one of Janine's friends) that I, shall we say?, boogie-woogie-oogie'd with. Oops. I mean, how many Steve's ARE there on this campus? Thank goodness for Facebook, huh?
On this evening's sojourn to Steak'n'Shake, I was faced with the brutal reality that I might not be here in 4 months time. As much as I bitch about school and classes and the day-to-day grind of NU, I'm still going to fucking miss it. I hate being this damn sentimental, but I tearfully glossed over my photos from freshman and sophomore year. Good, bad, or just plain crazy, I wouldn't take anything back.
Especially Antoinette. Sadly, it took another pair of best friends (Jules and Janine) for me to realize how blessed I truly am. As I sipped my cookies'n'creme milkshake in the back seat (soo not lactose-intolerant friendly, btw), I watched Nini teasing Jules - the kind of gentle, good-natured mocking mastered through years of cry-fests, crushes, classes and driving "loops." And watching this connection made me miss Ant. I know, I know - she's lives ten feet away from me...a hop, skip, and a bedroom away. Yet, they made me realize that this time next year, she won't be.
I know it's the point of college. Everything here seems to have an expiration date. However, I can't just let go of the one person who's been here for all the tears, the pounds, the popcorn...with open arms, the Elephant Medley, and a swift kick in the ass when necessary. You know, when I was in high school, I thought I would meet THE guy in college - the one would understand me better than anyone else and change my life. Instead, I got BelligerANT, and I'm so grateful...for everything. Anyway, enough with the sappy stuff. I'm fucking crying again like a baby. Aah! I HATE this! I take it all back. I'm done with Ant. Get ready Texas, she's back....
Boo has not called me in exactly 1 month and 18 days. If it hits 2 months, his ass is grass. I don't know what that means, but Mama Chu sure says it a lot. If you're reading this, all is forgiven...and I hope you can say the same. If I've learned anything this year, it's that time is too short, too precious, to throw it away on anger and what-ifs.
Case and point - the impending weekend. Cousin Jeff is marrying an interior decorating extraordinaire...and A-Bei isn't there to see it. Jeff proposed with carpe-diem vigor after A-Bei was first diagnosed, but honestly, I'm not sure how anyone is going to make it through the ceremony without thinking about that one, belligerently penetrating voice that's missing - "Jeffff-a-rrreeee!" Moral of this depressing story: there's only now.
Hence, my reluctant, but full-hearted dive into unrequited...something. As much as it hurts and it sucks, I thrive with no expectations of anything in return because at least I fucking feel something. And at the end of the day, the feeling is more important to me than its return. It keeps the ol' ticker distracted, you know?
So, kleenex and snot aside, here's to friendship, family, love, and above all else, hope. And please, no comments hating on my cheesiness. I know this already. If you don't want to read this sappy shit, why are you on my blog? Get off. Now. Especially since I've come to the realization that soooo many people who are NOT supposed to be reading this (those OUTSIDE of the Homeslice/the Savannah crew or Gardenz fam) are. Shocking. People reading my publicly published journal of private thoughts.
ok, enough crackhead-ed ness. It's time to rest these swollen eyes...
"sleeping to dream...but I don't mind,"
E. Li-Wei Chu
Douchebag Extraordinaire
posted by Li-Wei @ 1:38 AM
0 comments
